Erich VonGlibb

Earning a reputation as No Fun City Vancouver doubles down banning shooting fentanyl outside schools and in public parks. No more blowing smoke from your crack pipe in the faces of arthritic little old ladies in the Emergency waiting room. Soon they won’t even let you take a dump in the doorway of WalMart or SaveOn Foods.
However in a test run you can get obnoxiously pissed at some public beaches this summer, don’t forget to bring bottles instead of cans. They stay colder longer and you can smash them, way more fun than crumbling cans.

Canucks make the playoffs again. Don’t forget to plan now for the inevitable rioting and destruction if they blow it. 103 years since Vancouver won a Stanley Cup, that’s a lot of “Well there’s always next year..”

They’re confiscating your home to tear it down for more bicycle lanes, what’s next? Mayor Snowflake won’t be happy until your coming home with your groceries strapped in hemp green bags and your fanny pack, in the rain on your 15 speed, with one of those stupid helmets that look like a turd squeezed from a constipated elephant. And paying a yearly tax to park it in your own garage.

Stanley Park has been declared a Nature Reserve, visitors will soon have to pay a $20 entrance fee to feed their children to the coyotes or trample the flowers vital to the murder hornets. The endangered homeless psychotic that tries to stab you with dirty needles will continue to be a source of entertainment until the Parks Board votes to decide if placing the issue on a future agenda to vote on doing something about it or not is a good idea. If they do, they will need to file a Supreme Court injunction (sometime in 2024) that would be enforced by 2026.

So the viaducts are coming down, to be replaced by gridlocked diesel trucks trying to snake through your neighborhood. But while you choke on the fumes and dodge them if they get up to speed, you can enjoy more parks. Council is already making bylaws so you can’t walk your dog, step on the grass, sit down and have a smoke or pick a flower in any of them without risking public scorn and a $10,000 fine. And figuring out how much to hike your taxes for someone to cut those lawns you can’t walk on…