Justin Apologizes For Being Born
After apologizing for everything else in the world, including the fact your pancakes didn’t rise properly. Justin Trudeau apologized today for even being born. Hopefully this is the last apology well hear…. see Page 126
Pressure Builds on Rudy
Rudy Guiliani is under so much legal pressure over his doings to support Donald Trump and his attempted coup d’etat that he was recently photographed at a press conference with shit leaking out his head. Guiliani denies being under pressure and told reporters his brain is so full of shit that it is completely normal for some to leak out. However, it normally comes out of his mouth whenever he opens it to speak.
Guiliani is using advice found on the Internet in an attempt to treat the condition, including shoving a My Pillow Guy extra large size up his ass to prevent shit from leaking out his pant legs.
Erin O’Toole – Election Was Stolen
Claiming he and his Party got the largest amount of votes with just over 33%, O’Toole claims the 2021 election was stolen from him. Even though two-thirds of Canadians voted for ‘anything but that O’Toole guy’ and the Conservative laughing stock of a Climate Plan and limp wristed Covid policy drove voters away in droves, party hardliners are questioning his leadership and policies that drove the insane tin-hat extreme right to support Maxine Bernier instead.
Party advisors will be closely following the methods of the U.S. Republicans to prevent gays, people of colour, the poor, liberals and socialists from voting in the future.
Fake News Flash – There Was No Polio
In the latest reveal, snokes.com has discovered that there was no need for a Polio vaccine as there never was such a disease as polio in the 20th century. Conservative Republican researchers discovered that FDR did not have a disease, he was merely a stumbling drunk socialist that blew out his liver with vodka supplied by Josef Stalin until Roosevelt eventually died of cirrhosis during World War 2.
Iron lungs were fake contraptions photographed on a Hollywood backstage (where the later Moon landing was filmed) meant simply to scare the bejeezuz out of little children.
Vaccine given in schools and the resultant scars on baby boomer’s arms were actually an early government conspiracy to control people – the scars a result of implanting early ‘micro vacuum tubes’ designed by Bill Gates’s grandfather before nano-technology was invented.’
It is claimed that in the event of a major electromagnetic pulse, such as one from an atom bomb, the devices could explode and blow the left arm off 50% of the Earth’s inhabitants.