Justin Apologizes For Being Born

After apologizing for everything else in the world, including the fact your pancakes didn’t rise properly. Justin Trudeau apologized today for even being born. Hopefully this is the last apology well hear…. see Page 126

New Tax Clarity Act Jan. 1st

The new act will clarify exactly how YOUR tax dollars are spent.
Bill C987 comes into effect Jan. 1, 2022 along with a new website and phone app that allows you to find out exactly how your personal tax dollars were spent by the Federal Government.
Bowing to the wishes of so many voters convinced that somehow the tax money deducted from their paycheques is still theirs, the gov’t has bowed to those wishes and will release detailed, itemized lists of who’s tax dollars paid for what.

A trial sample was released revealing the exact cost of the fuel for the PMs trip to COP26 in Glasgow from the G20 in Rome was paid for by:

Mrs. G.L. Ogglemeyer – 100% (of all federal tax deducted)
A.N. Weaselgutz – 100%
P.V. Seapiping – 100%
The entire town of Anuselbow Sask. -100%
Mrs. Phyllis P. Naggie -100%
J.P. Miller -$123.43 of tax deduction, the rest spent on cat food for Trudeau’s family pet Nov.2-7th. 2021
– SIN numbers left out due to Federal Privacy Act of 1992-

Controversy has already erupted as Mr. Seapiping does not ‘believe’ in air travel (he is afraid of flying) and claims he should not have to pay for it. Nor for abortions, drug clinics, public art works or housing for the homeless. “I want MY money to go entirely into shoe polish for members of the Armed Forces, I remember having to buy my own when I served in Korea and it was outrageous at black market prices!”

The Province of PEI is also considering following the whiney baby attitude of Mr Kenney that the federal tax money deducted from the cheques of Albertans belongs to the Province, not the Feds, perhaps so the Premiers can be bitched at by libertarian-republican tightwads with only the vaguest understanding how gov’t works and is funded.
The town of Cornhole Ont. is filing in Supreme Court to claim the money deducted from citizens of the town belongs to the town itself not the Feds or the Province. “We need money for a sewage treatment plant, we’ve been dumping shit, piss and old tampons in the well for years and one day they’ll find out. Better to build the plant sooner rather than raising a fuss and making Ottawa fly in bottled drinking water when it all comes out!”
Well in advance of the Act, the gov’t has announced the all the tax dollars collected from the residents who live between the blocks bounded by 4200-4400 W 64th St and 1200-1900 109 Ave in Surrey will provided the 2022 Bluchen-Waswald Award for the best artwork painting by an LGBTQ minority non-English speaker in a wheelchair.

Pressure Builds on Rudy

Rudy Guiliani is under so much legal pressure over his doings to support Donald Trump and his attempted coup d’etat that he was recently photographed at a press conference with shit leaking out his head. Guiliani denies being under pressure and told reporters his brain is so full of shit that it is completely normal for some to leak out. However, it normally comes out of his mouth whenever he opens it to speak.
Guiliani is using advice found on the Internet in an attempt to treat the condition, including shoving a My Pillow Guy extra large size up his ass to prevent shit from leaking out his pant legs.

Erin O’Toole – Election Was Stolen

Claiming he and his Party got the largest amount of votes with just over 33%, O’Toole claims the 2021 election was stolen from him. Even though two-thirds of Canadians voted for ‘anything but that O’Toole guy’ and the Conservative laughing stock of a Climate Plan and limp wristed Covid policy drove voters away in droves, party hardliners are questioning his leadership and policies that drove the insane tin-hat extreme right to support Maxine Bernier instead.
Party advisors will be closely following the methods of the U.S. Republicans to prevent gays, people of colour, the poor, liberals and socialists from voting in the future.

Fake News Flash – There Was No Polio

In the latest reveal, snokes.com has discovered that there was no need for a Polio vaccine as there never was such a disease as polio in the 20th century. Conservative Republican researchers discovered that FDR did not have a disease, he was merely a stumbling drunk socialist that blew out his liver with vodka supplied by Josef Stalin until Roosevelt eventually died of cirrhosis during World War 2.
Iron lungs were fake contraptions photographed on a Hollywood backstage (where the later Moon landing was filmed) meant simply to scare the bejeezuz out of little children.
Vaccine given in schools and the resultant scars on baby boomer’s arms were actually an early government conspiracy to control people – the scars a result of implanting early ‘micro vacuum tubes’ designed by Bill Gates’s grandfather before nano-technology was invented.’
It is claimed that in the event of a major electromagnetic pulse, such as one from an atom bomb, the devices could explode and blow the left arm off 50% of the Earth’s inhabitants.

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