15,000,000 Immigrants to Arrive in January
Fake News Flash – There Was No Polio
In the latest reveal, snokes.com has discovered that there was no need for a Polio vaccine as there never was such a disease as polio in the 20th century. Conservative Republican researchers discovered that FDR did not have a disease, he was merely a stumbling drunk socialist that blew out his liver with vodka supplied by Josef Stalin until Roosevelt eventually died of cirrhosis during World War 2.
Iron lungs were fake contraptions photographed on a Hollywood backstage (where the later Moon landing was filmed) meant simply to scare the bejeezuz out of little children.
Vaccine given in schools and the resultant scars on baby boomer’s arms were actually an early government conspiracy to control people – the scars a result of implanting early ‘micro vacuum tubes’ designed by Bill Gates’s grandfather before nano-technology was invented.’
It is claimed that in the event of a major electromagnetic pulse, such as one from an atom bomb, the devices could explode and blow the left arm off 50% of the Earth’s inhabitants.
Spacecraft Captures Pictures of Earth 100 Years From Now
The meek shall inherit what’s left of the Earth.
Images from the New Horizons spacecraft, which scientists believed were images of Pluto have now been determined to be actual pictures of Earth 103 years and 4 months in the future.
The craft had actually flown right out of the Milky Way and crossed the event horizon of a previously undiscovered black hole where it captured light from the future in its digital lenses. The dark areas in the photo were once the oceans which were drained to recover oil once the price bottomed out at $2 a barrel.
The light area is what remains of the former continents once Republican-Conservative New World Order Party allowed expansion of the Alberta oil sands. It appears that what remains of humanity has settled on Mars and is supplied by the Endridge Space Gateway pipeline fully funded by public money raised through a 1000% GST. The native population of Martian Aliens were all rounded up and gassed, which RC Party members insist does not make them fascists. “How can we be like Nazis? They weren’t even Jewish! They worshipped some slimy green Entity they called U’gluthoo”, said Senator Luther P. Butticks, bastard great-great grandchild of Sarah Palin.
Canada Finally Settles On New Fighter Jets
The tiny nation of Lutonia has offered to replace Canada’s six fighter planes with as many as the RCAF asks for. Prime Minister Yosh Schmenge says they have hundreds of leftover planes from it’s former Soviet days before independence.
Canada will acquire over 320 of the planes, a much larger quantity than it was seeking and add thousands of Jobs For Youth positions piloting, maintaining and building bases in the Arctic. The purchase price of less than one F35 leaves billions for programs so young Canadians will have something to do besides TikTok and Instagram all day on EI.
“Only problem is”, said Schmenge, “there are no pilots. You must come get them and bring pilots. All of ours quit the Lutonian Air Force to become accordion players in Polka bands once there was no more USSR to defend.”
With no need of any Armed Forces, as no country in their right mind would attack such a miserable and backward country, Lutonia saw 79% of enlisted men and 100% of officers not qualified for pensions emigrate within six months of independence. Most became cabbage farmers, but almost 92% of accordion players in polka bands worldwide claim a Lutonian heritage.
Cranky Old White Man Elected President
Through the massive fraud created by winning the most votes, Joe Biden was elected President in November. Repeated attempts by coup, by attempting to manipulate the Electoral College, by fake News Agencies created by rich fascists and by whining like little pampered babies have failed to overturn the election.
Now the Extreme Leftist Bogeyman (in Canadian terms – makes Erin O’Toole look like a Commie) is really gonna get’cha, Americans. Ya better watch out when ya send them kids out Trick or Treating for Covid that he’ll leap out of their candy bag and steal your freedumb.