The West Coast Fliar

Would you buy a Bible from this Man?

The Orange Ass invoked his latest scam for the Church of MAGA, the King Trump Edition. Stuffed with inserts of American propaganda the tome is revised with updated translations that reflect modern times such as God being spelled simply as “$“
Claiming gross misinterpretations in the King James Version, passages have been corrected, such as ‘turn the other cheek’ into ‘shoot the thug’ and ‘vermin’ replacing references to the sick and the poor. “Blessed are the money lenders” as entire segments have been rewritten, like “the meek shall inherit nothing” and “render unto me what is Caesar’s”.
In a newly added Book of Donald, verse 17 announces that Your enemies are your true friends and should be courted by betraying your current friends to them. Verse 38 mentions healing lepers by injecting Clorox, verse 41 refers to unclean infidels from Mexico and how leaders ‘cheated out of office’ are above all laws of God and Man.
Revision to the Old Testament include ‘a head for an eye, a limb for a tooth’ and how only the heterosexuals and those that paid in full were spared in Sodom & Gomorrah, how Moses parted the Red Sea with nukes. In the New Testament relating to Jesus’s time in the desert, how He was tempted by a McDonalds but went to KFC instead.
Unsurprisingly, only two outspoken MAGA Christians have spoken out calling it blasphemy and no Republican Governors or members of the House or Senate have mentioned the former President’s total lack of shame.

Absolute Immunity From Everything

Entitled to the Divine Right of Kings

Donald The Orange, Emperor of the White Men, Lord of the Humans, Protector of the Realm, King of The 50 States is in court insisting that he is entitled to complete immunity for any action he took while in Office and no President can perform the duties of that office without such privilege, regardless of the fact no US President in history has made such a claim.
He also claims that he at no time swore an Oath to the Constitution when every previous holder of office did; His lawyers are trying to hurry a judicial decision so he may resume his bid to run again for President. Spineless lackeys in the Republican Party are ensuring he remain on their ticket without having to appear in person and in spite of his mindless, increasingly demented public speeches at his rallies held to dupe money from fools seeking entertainment after a decade of only rehashed movies and comic book rehashes on TV and in movies.

Texas Court Rules Pregnant 9 Year Old Must Bring Alien To Term

If she was impregnated by an alien, that is God’s Will and a pre-born baby is a life, says Supreme Court Judge Luther P. Butticks R.

Parents entered the bedroom of their daughter Louly Smithson to discover an alien face-hugger wrapped about her and doctors confirmed she was impregnated and in less than two weeks she will explode as an a pre metamorphic baby alien bursts from her chest.
Visiting scientists from the future claim the alien could be removed from the 9 year old’s body using their experimental transporter beam, but were prevented from doing so by a court injunction filed by the Church of Infinite Misery in her home town. (cont’d on Pg 37)

73 Year Old Man Finally Gets Full-time Job

Charles, Prince of Wales had finally found full time employment with the passing of his mother, Queen Elizabeth II. He will no longer just travel about the world smiling and waving to crowds but now that he is King Charles III must smile and wave full time but also need to greet and entertain foreign officials and sign various pieces of paper handed to him by UK Prime Ministers and Governor Generals of some Commonwealth Nations.
Doctors say his health is up to this massive increase in work load and other say it may make him relate more to the everyday drudgery faced by the common people under his reign.
He may even defer to Canada for a list of things to apologize for, even though he is in no way responsible, a task his mother the Queen was asked to apologize for even as she spent her whole reign ending many of those things. You know, the Sins of the Father and all that.
Anti-monarchists can take small joy in that it is very, very unlikely they will suffer under his reign for seventy years.

American Dog Bites Man Story:

19 children and two adults were killed in a shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. Authorities say the teenage gunman obtained his weapons legally and had a constitutional right to own them, end of story.
Meanwhile Republicans said once again that now is not the time to discuss gun control, they will only accept gun bans when Donald Trump is giving a speech. They all offered their thoughts and prayers to whatever demonic entity they worship.
Amid criticism that police only entered the school after an extremely long delay in which the shootings continued, they performed their usual public ritual of lining up shoulder to shoulder and congratulating each other for having followed procedure so well.
In the US Senate a motion to do nothing at all as per usual, was soundly defeated as a Democrat had proposed it. Republicans congratulated each other on filibustering a motion that school shootings should be discussed.
Human beings who live elsewhere in the real world propose that American familes should pack up and move somewhere safer, like Mariupol, Somalia or Yemen.

15 Yr Old Builds Hydro Dam to Power His Newest Video Card

Fifteen yeard old Harold Sneed from Anus, Alberta used a GoFundMe campaign to raise enough capital to build a hydro dam on a local creek to power his new nVidia 30800x super video card in his gaming computer.
At the rate donations from other basement dwellers are pouring in, he may raise enough to purchase a new mobile home sized computer case to house the 2.5 Megawatt Thermaltook power supply to run it.
The graphics card is capable of outputting a resolution approximately three times that of the new James Webb Space Telescope at over 360 frames per second. Processors and memory chips are cooled with liquid helium at 4 degrees Kelvin and a heat sink made from metallic Hydrogen disperses it evenly.
Harold is extremely excited as he looks ahead to playing Roblox soon on his new machine.

Russian Warship Can Turn Into Submarine

The Kremlin revealed that their newest warships can turn into submarines to run from attackers. Recently the Moskva had to perform an emergency dive and leave Ukraine to resupply with cabbage and vodka. Ukrainian hackers have been circulating faked pictures online claiming that their missiles sank the warship – con’t on Pg 39